For years, I've made decision based on my own wants, other people's opinions, and random other worldly factors. For instance, in January I was convinced that I was going to go back to college. I LOVE to write, therefore I thought I should complete a degree in communications. However, I have zero desire to seek full-time employment outside of my home at this point in my life. Somehow, I thought this would fill an empty space that had been left vacant when I left college in 1993. I also thought that there were certain people in my life that would be proud of me if I would obtain this degree. Do you know what I didn't do? I didn't pray about it. I did not, at any moment, seek God's guidance in this really important, life-altering decision. So, prior to actually registering for any classes, I did just that. For right now, school is on hold. It is not the path that has been designed for me.
At 41 years of age, I am still finding my way through this life. What I am learning right now is that I need to care more about God's opinion of me than the opinion of other humans. Humans are...just that, human. We fail. God is perfect. When I am seeking human approval, it is out of sheer pride. It is when I am most humble that God is well-pleased with my life.
I am also learning that there are things in my life that aren't necessarily bad yet need to be removed. Some of them are activities, volunteer positions that really are "good" but not where I am truly called to serve. One thing that has recently been brought to light is alcohol. I rarely have a drink...really, like two drinks per month is probably my annual average. But I've seen how it can be a stumbling block to me and people who are important to me. I don't want any portion of my life to cause another to fall away from Christ or give them the wrong idea of what it is like to be a Christian.
Sounds like a tall order, huh? Yeah, I think it is too. I know that I will not always succeed. That is why God gives us grace. For now, I am doing my best to mediate on His Word throughout the day, taking a verse from my morning devotion time and trying to focus on it. I'm working to change my idea of prayer into conversation with God. During my Bible study in the past two weeks, I read how Jesus was in constant conversation with His Father, even talking through His day with Him. That doesn't seem as daunting to me as trying to create something that came from the King James Bible. No offense to the KJV Bible, although beautifully written, it is not how I generally communicate.
I feel like God desperately wants something more, has something more for my life. I don't yet know what that is. I believe that He has been using teachings, quiet time, and experiences of the last few years to prepare me. I know that, as I am ready and able, He will continue to reveal to me how He would have me serve Him and His kingdom.